Love Is Growing
What follows is a copy of the last entry I made into my on-line blog that I began keeping in 2010 (before The Discerning Angel came into being)… I had started it as a means by which to communicate with Michael (then still “Glorfindel and a while later “some people call me Ashtar Sheran”). I had included all the other entries in my Letters to Michael blog up to the February 13th one (the one directly before this one) in which, you may have noticed, I mention that he had promised me a surprise on February 14th, which was a Sunday, and coincidentally my boyfriend was out of town on a business trip and not due back until late evening on the 14th. Due to what I felt was the extremely private nature of the letter, dated February 19, 2010 I had opted to leave it out of my Letters to Michael blog; pretended almost as if it had never existed – though Michael and I knew it did. Recently, having created this new website on which you see everything currently being presented for you, the subject of the February 19 letter came up again; do I put it in the Letters to Michael section of the site, or do I leave it out. Michael suggested I put it in… I had almost concluded that I should leave it out, until a very curious turn of events on a social media website that I frequent (Facebook namely) made me realize that people for the most part ARE ready to read this. And so I opted to go ahead and post it, citing what someone told me also recently, that if someone is meant to read it, then they will. How they choose to react to it is up to them.
I’ve set this up so that you can read the blog entry first, and then you can read afterward the details of what happened before, during and after the “surprise”… No doubt you will more than likely ascertain from the gist of the blog post exactly what the “surprise” was… While I already realize that this information may be uncomfortable for some who read it, it has been made clear to me by Michael recently why it is necessary to reveal it now… it’s all a part of “disclosure”; not just the disclosure of the Truth about the existence of our Galactic Family, who they are and where they come from, but also of the Truth the whole Truth and nothing but the Truth about who ALL of us are and where we ALL come from, and how it is imperative in this time of “Reunification” and reforming of our perceptions about duality and singularity, that the Truth be known in as many ways as possible in order to make that Reunification (Ascension into higher vibration) possible.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Love Is Growing
My Love, to thank you for the beautiful gift you gave is simply not enough. I will be expressing my gratitude to you from now until the end of existence! This was truly a surprise – only in my wildest dreams from way back when I was very young did I ever dream that something so wondrous would be bestowed upon us. When you told me you had a surprise for me, I thought that perhaps it would be something more like appearing to me in the flesh, or for instance going for a ride in your souped up vehicle ;-) . I had no idea you would actually leave something behind that we can cherish all our days.
I feel our love growing inside of me every day now. Sometimes quiet and sleeping, sometimes vociferous, outspoken and energetic – always making a presence known. This leave me feeling excited yet terrified all the same as to what the next few months hold in store. As always, at times I have difficulty accepting any of this as reality, but this especially; until softly quietly a presence is announced – a soft flutter, a swift jolt, a slow roll – all like music to my soul.
You’ve told me, I know, at least a couple of times now that you will arrive before a few months has passed, about 2/3 of the way through. It’s this damn uncertainty between what my heart knows and what my mind can only guess at that is making me crazy. I know very well that time will tell, and I’ll know long before you arrive whether or not I can actually expect you to arrive. It’s a constant battle with myself. I guess that patience is key here. One thing I do know is that even with human help, I can’t do this alone, without you being here, or at least coming to get me and take me home. It wouldn’t be fair to leave me to be the one with all the responsibility. Don’t leave me here alone like this. Though we both know I’ve been through this before, things are different now, much different, and I’m not sure I’ll know what to do when the time arrives.
You told me that you are my teacher, and I accept that with all my heart. How fitting that you should be handed that task. So, if there’s no way that you have of being able to assure me that things will go as you have said(so far, you’ve been right on the mark), then at least teach me how to cope until such a time as it will be irrefutable that this is all really happening.
I love you so very much; my heart just overflows with love for you every time I think about you, and our gift. This joy just wells up inside of me every time I feel that presence. Thank you for creating a bond between us that can never be broken, My Love. Thank you!
I’ll be seeing you in my dreams tonight. . .
Okay, well… yes, he impregnated me.
You see, after my boyfriend started getting sent on long business trips in the late fall of 2009 (just two or three months after I had first reconnected with Michael) Michael started coming around at night eSPECIally when my boyfriend was gone on business trips. Well needless to say there were other things that went on on those nights – one time Michael was actively trying to raise my vibration by laying over the top of me, I guess to infuse me with his own energy… he had brought some assistants with him – little grey guys, but they were of the friendly type (I affectionately referred to them as physicians as that seemed to be their main function was to keep me healthy while that was going on). There were four of them, 3 of the small kind and 1 larger, about normal human size. Their job was to keep me cool as Michael infused me with pure energy… and I DID heat up quite dramatically… the little physicians had some kind of “liquid” for lack of better term that they would swab me down with using some kind of soft sponges whenever I would get too hot and Michael would back off of me to let the little guys in to cool me down… interesting. This went on for the better part of an hour. And then they were gone… and only recently did I realize why all of that took place… I was being “prepared” for what was to come…
So, but on to telling more about my experience….. in the wee hours of the morning on February 12th Michael visited me for Love Making … of course, which lasted into the later hours of the morning… why wouldn’t it? We were by ourselves! :-D And right before he “left”, he told me that he would come back on Sunday (the 14th, Valentines Day, although he didn’t make any note of that being the case) and he would have a surprise for me… well, you can imagine MY surprise when after we had finished Making Love in the wee hours on February 14th, when just before he left he told me “I leave behind a child” (sort of like in the movie “Star Man” although that never crossed my mind until I told a friend of mine about it shortly after it happened. I kind of went, “What? You did what?”… he repeated, “I leave behind a child….”
And then suddenly I knew exactly what he was referring to – he’d gotten me pregnant. But how could that be?????? Ummm wouldn’t we have to come into physical contact in order for that to happen???? Geez! Well, of course this was fully 3 weeks before I remembered who he really is… I had no idea what I was dealing with here, and if I had I probably would never have written what I did in my blog. Although I had no links leading to it, and hadn’t put any tags on the posts, and had it set up so that you really had to KNOW that it was there in order to be able to access it, SOMEONE, and I’m not sure who, but someone in the GFOL or Ashtar Command intercepted that message, which consequences of I will detail for you next.
As you can see the blog post was dated February 19th, so I’d really only had about 5 and a half days with this sensation that I was pregnant and that there was really a baby inside of me. Anyone who has ever been pregnant knows there is just no mistaking that familiar sensation of a baby moving around inside your womb… no mistaking. As you can assume, this was no typical pregnancy and was developing at a rate that was unbelievable really. He told me that it would take about 7 months for me to come to term and that most of the development would happen in the first 5 months. Oooooookay! But he also assured me that he would be here in plenty of time that I wouldn’t have to go through the end of it alone… well, that was until I freaked out because I felt pregnant, but still I couldn’t understand how in only 5 days a pregnancy I could be so far along in that pregnancy that I was feeling it as if I was 5 or 6 months pregnant at least… and I was actually starting to show... just a little.
So I send off my message to him on February 19th telling him that I can’t do this by myself, I’m scared, and I don’t even know whether to believe it’s real. That night, my boyfriend returned from another business trip. He sleeps with a C-Pap machine because he snores abominably and has sleep apnea without it. He had taken it with him on his trip naturally and had to set it back up in our bedroom when he got back. Which would have been fine, except that somehow or other, in transit it had gotten knocked around and had developed this high frequency squeal every time he would breath in through it. So, disgusted, I just got my pillow and an extra blanket and went out to sleep on the couch in the living room.
I fell asleep pretty easily out there… it was a comfortable couch to sleep on (we have since replaced it with a new one). Only thing is that early in the morning I awoke – I have no idea what time it was – and there was this HUGE noise coming from outside like a great roaring wind had kicked up and there were really intense white lights coming in through ALL the windows and they seemed to be flashing which lit up the entire living room.
I had experienced this before, I knew, and knew exactly what it was… terrified that I was being taken “again” I managed to get up off the couch and was frozen in mid-run… couldn’t move a muscle. I started yelling at the top of my lungs “They’re here! They’re here! Help me!” and I called out both my boyfriend’s name and my son’s name at the top of my lungs but it seemed that my voice was being drowned out by the loud wind noise that was coming from outside. And then this huge circle of light that was about 10 feet in diameter came down through the ceiling and enveloped me. I struggled to try and get away as I began to feel my body being lifted off the floor, but nothing I did made any difference. At about 6 feet off the ground I realized that I wasn’t going to be able to break free, so I just stopped struggling, relaxed and allowed “the light” to take me.
At that very point at which I stopped struggling the terror that I had experienced just moments before was replaced with calm knowing, and this feeling of utter and total Ecstatic Bliss washed over me; I’d felt that before. In fact I felt that way every time he and I were together, in fact I had been feeling that way a LOT during the previous few days every time I felt movement in my womb; it was like an announcement of Baby having sheer ecstatic knowing of who her parents were and reveling in that Love feeling… And I knew I had nothing to fear.
From that point, the whole experience took on the character of a really weird dream, and I know now that it was because they didn’t want me to remember, and so they replaced my memory with something else to try and cover it up, only it didn’t work completely for a couple of reasons; 1) the main person whom they used to cover up the identity of the one who was doing the “work” on me, was my sister-in-law who is only about 4’6” tall… gee, sounds kinda familiar. And I had a very vivid memory of her climbing up in my lap for some reason, and having caught her hand at one point, in a very sensitive area of my body… well, yeah, down there, in my “private parts”. And I remember saying to this individual, “Hey! What are you doing? Be careful! That hurt!” to which she, and several others of the group of individuals who curiously were dressed in some kind of uniform, apologized for hurting me, and then I woke up, laying sort of half on, half off the couch, wondering what the hell just happened?!
And then I knew, instinctively. I concentrated a moment trying to feel that familiar and welcome sensation of a little one rolling happily around inside of me, but it was no longer there. They had taken her. I was devastated. I remember I went into the bathroom expecting there to be blood, but there wasn’t even that tell-tale sign to tell me that what had just taken place had really taken place. However, later than afternoon I thought to check and see if I had any marks on me at all, and sure enough, just under my C-section scar from when my son was born, and a little left of center was a strange red mark that hadn’t been there the day before – like something with several points all in a line, had been pressed firmly into my skin at that spot… I know, I should have taken a picture, but quite frankly I found the whole thing very personal and kind of traumatic at the time… I didn’t want anyone to know….
Even though it had been such a short time, Michael and I had treated it like it was so real… and that it was. It would have been a girl, and we had … well I should say, that HE had picked out a name for her even, which was Ilwë (i-l-w-ë). It’s a strange thing, but back then, and I’m certain there is some validity to it, but I still associated him with the whole notion that he was somehow related to the Elves in Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings trilogy. And of course Tolkien having been a master linguist, had “invented” (or rather I think it was an actual language that was transmitted to him) the Elvish language which was in fact VERY detailed … an actual language… and interestingly, Michael (Glorfindel) used to dictate messages to me in that language which I would go and look up the meaning of in a Elvish to English dictionary I had dug up on line somewhere … and they actually made sense!! Well, this name, Ilwë, that we were to give our daughter, had she been born, actually was a word from that language… I looked it up and it means “second layer of air around the Earth – clear and blue” aaaaaah… it makes me want to cry thinking about it even now, and it’s been almost 4 years ago…
Well, of course you can imagine I asked him and asked him and asked him, what happened?!!! But he just couldn’t bring himself to talk about it with me. I could tell that he was just as upset as I was about what had happened. Especially the fact that I had written what I did in my blog and THAT was the reason for what happened having happened. I initially thought that HE had had something to do with them having come and gotten me and taken her from me like that, but such was not the case. Even though I know now that it was something that he and I had agreed to do before I came into this lifetime, “we” had evidently done something that we weren’t supposed to do; it was against protocol and severely compromised the “no interference” rule that was to have been abided by. That, I suppose was another reason he didn’t want to talk about it. Being the sort of beings that they are and viewing all life as being sacred, of course they tried to keep her alive, but sadly, she was too little. I cried when I found out that she had passed.
This is one thing that both of us have always wanted to do, and that is to have the opportunity to become incarnate in this way and … procreate. I don’t know why really, except for it being one more way to share our Love with each other. We actually do already have one daughter… and a son, but they were both carried in surrogates without me even knowing they existed really until way after I reconnected with Michael. Evidently during the year that I can’t remember (when I was around 8 years old) genetic material, in the form of immature eggs, was taken from my body for this purpose. When I was about 18 or 19 I had what I thought at the time was a dream, but turns out was an actual event, where I had observed a transport landing in a field not far from my house, and when I went to check it out I came across the transport already landed and several tall blond Pleiadian type people were standing around. They greeted me as if they knew me and then brought this little girl over for me to meet. She looked to be about 9 or 10 years old, with beautiful long, but straight, blond hair. She was dressed in a very plain short sleeved white dress that went down to her ankles, and she had a blue santiny sash tied around her waist. They told me her name was Jennifer, and I reached down and gave her a big hug, and then they all started to head toward to ramp to the transport and I remember following them because I expected to go with them, but they realized what I was doing and stopped me and told me that I couldn’t come with them this time. I felt very sad and they all got in and I watched them fly away. I truly felt abandoned. But since then, after I reconnected with Michael, and yes, this too before I remembered he is Michael, he introduced me to her one time when I was “sneaking a peek” at his ship, when I used to follow him around like a love sick puppy. Oh, she’s beautiful! She got the best of both!! Her hair isn’t as light blond as it was when she was little, it’s more sandy colored now, and even though she’s his daughter too, she’s more my height … or a few inches taller, maybe 5’6” or 5’7”. Her eyes are big like his, but they’re darker blue like mine.
I think I understand why he did what he did… although we have Jennifer, who is undeniably our daughter, and also Nathaniel, who is undeniably our son, he really wanted to have the experience of having a child “with” me, not just “of” me. Well, we did get another chance, but I’ll share details of that with you at another time. We had to try several times but finally succeeded...
